i hate me
i feel sucky. lousy. bitchy. whatever. fill in with what you want. i deserve it anyway.
i dont know why i cant live like a normal human being and not cause anyone trouble or anything larh.
i just want to say this to anyone and everyone. if you're reading this. i would really like to say sorry. and i mean it. really. not like some bullshitty sorry with no meaning at all. but really. sorry. im sorry im like that. i try not to... but im just made that way i guess.
sigh. i hate me for having being a bitch. i try helping it but i cant. so really. i dont expect you to like me.
in a few days, i'd be derprived from my social life. i might as well just disappear. my dad says i cant chat anymore. i think he really thinks (but he insists like he knows) that i do cybersex. whatever. please larh. i dont. and i dont intend to cus i dont find it thrilling. my dads scolding me more and more. if scoldings could kill, i'd be dead actually. which is a very good thing cus i wont be sinned for commitingsuicide or something.
bahh. why must there be sins. if only i could...
back to about social life. and its no more taufik-ing. and yes, i've said that. no more taufik. please don't fucking ask me why. taufik is like the only thing i ever look forward to in life. i mean really. the only thing that keeps me going is him. right. i probably sound FANATIC or whatever. but really. you just cant get what i mean.
tell me... ONE thing i can ever look forward to. bahh. and really, taufik-ing is the only thing i ever enjoy. and its with people i love. which just makes it better.
but then again, im not made to enjoy life. maybe i take everything too seriously or hardly. but if really, there was something else. i wouldnt be like this.
ohwells, whats me compared to a whole fucking school and their fucking reputation? nothing. id rather not do something bad to the school then do something good to myself. which is really unimportant. cus the only person that will be afftected is me of course.
i think its good to have everyone to hate you. cus i'd love it if my funeral is a joyful one. im not suicidal or anything. it was a random idea.
ant* ; 20:17
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